Saturday 14th March 2009

Coventrians 3 - 16 Redditch (Mids 5 West South)

Stout Covents Effort ends in Defeat

Coventrians came a gallant second in a stop start affair, affected by both blustery wind and some bewildering decisions from a diminutive whistler. Losing 16 – 3 to the team in second place is no disgrace but the lads will think they could’ve done better with the possession and territory they enjoyed.

With injuries to half-backs, Dazzler, Howay ya daft bugger, new found wing sensation Chris Potter, Neil Walters and Cozzy unavailable, Covents took to the park with a changed but still strong looking side which featured a lean looking whipper snapper at 2nd row, Giz and a prop, Vallis, still wearing PINK nail varnish (and I kid you not).

They signalled their intent when in the 2nd minute Chris Simons surged forward after a lovely take at speed before the move broke down after ‘Honest’ Tez Mosey, running touch, flagged for a thousandth of an inch of boot in touch – his only defence being, ‘I was a copper for 20 years . . .’ In the 3rd minute, skipper Danny Pearson, a hooker hopelessly addicted to kicking, booted the ball up field when Redditch threatened.

It was Redditch that took the lead in the 5th minute when Ronnie Corbett penalized Covents for holding on and they duly slotted for 0 – 3. As often happens, this galvanized Covents and they enjoyed the best of the next 20 minutes or so by setting up attacks through Carl, Chris Simons and Phil Jones (it also has to be said that I can’t hear most of what’s on my Dictaphone due to the wind). The 11th minute saw the Redditch No 10 fumble and Carl was on him with a ‘thumper’ and great work again from No 8 Thornton 4 minutes later saw him break from the base, delay, delay and delay his pass (while the Redditch hordes were mesmerised 3 2 1 you’re back in the room) until suddenly putting Chris Simons in who sprinted for the line before being bundled into touch, 3 yards short.

Chris was emulated on 20 minutes when Woz’s sprog, Adam, playing on the flank went on a barnstormer of his own up the touch again only just foiled by the Redditch hooker. The crowd scratched their heads and said, collectively, “He looks just like Wozza except he’s 6 stone lighter, good looking, got pace, a rugby brain and can catch . . .” The lads were rocking and rolling though and in the next 5 minutes, D J’s powerful drive and John Field’s big tackle caught the eye. In the 25th minute, from a lineout up near the bowling green, big Sam threw an outrageous, quick throw, half the width of the pitch to Rohan who caught and set off but was tackled before reaching light speed. The move finally broke down with Redditch kicking, straight out, from their 22.

In the 27th minute, Covents’ pressure was rewarded with a penalty for Redditch not staying on their feet (you ever tried walking on your hands for 80 minutes?) With a gale howling in from Jubilee Crescent, big Sam stepped up and sent a beauty into the wind that straightened and made the score 3 – 3.

2 minutes later and yet another foolhardy opposition player tried to knock Woz out of the way but he is a beast, an immovable object who just smiles and stays put, rather like The Bagington oak so once again we were left with a rebound that needed medical treatment – will they ever learn? Redditch missed a penalty kick on 33 minutes but sent a successful kick over on 36. In the 40th minute, with Covents in possession, the players and crowd screamed at the referee to stop the game as one of our lads was flat out, and then as the line beckoned we stopped screaming but as big Sam was bundled into touch, we all screamed again. Funny old game innit? Turns out it Woz Woz – so much for him being a beast then – half time 3 – 6 and Woz spent 20 minutes having a plaster put on a shaving nick . . .

The second period started with Danny taking a nice catch and from the resulting maul, the Redditch No8 (with a lot to say) came through the middle and was sent back from whence he came with added interest. He lay down and was quiet for a while . . . On 50 minutes, Phil Jones was down on one knee receiving treatment from Lauren when play switched and Redditch, attacking, headed towards him. The crowd shouted ‘Oi Phil’ and he jumped up and tackled the ball carrier. This resulted in the first dust up of the day as Kev Walters held his opposite number close and went “Grrrrrrrrr” into his face. Again it was good Covents play though with Gloria Vallis, discarding the closet, taking good ball and bullocking forward with Tom Carter (restored to Brum-half) supporting well. This resulted in a penalty that Big Sam attempted from half way but it fell short.

An hour gone and Covents were still huffing and puffing with gusto but in fairness to Redditch, they’re a solid outfit who tackle well and their house refused to fall down. On 62 minutes, Carl Thornton broke again from inside his own half and went on a fabulous run before off loading to Big Sam but the move came to nothing in the Redditch 22. In the 68th minute, with Covents trying to attack through the 3/4s, the ball was palmed in the centre and Redditch intercepted and ran in down the opposite wing to score what was to be, in the context of a game like this, a match winning try. It was the original “attack on the counter” as they soaked up everything we threw and then caught us on the break. The kick went over and we were looking down the barrel at 3 – 13.

The boys did not give up though but it was always going to be difficult to get two scores in this game. In the 72nd minute the Redditch sub, (aka bearded tit) who was all revved up with nowhere to go and chock full of Lucozade threw a punch, Danny retaliated but unfortunately as the ref was virtually subterranean and works as a leprechaun in the week (well it was St Paddy’s day) flashed yellow. From the resulting penalty, with Covents down to 14, Redditch sealed their win with three more for 3 – 16.

There was just time for D J to star at hooker and Big Sam to put the shoulder in to stop another Redditch score before Barry Chuckle blew to bring the curtain down on a frustrating day’s rugby.

So there we were, lost 3 – 16 to the team that’s now top of the pile and we’re in the bottom two. On that performance, Redditch knew they’d been in a game and the scoreline was no disgrace but we couldn’t help feeling a bit downhearted after all the effort, possession and territory left us with just three points. One could argue that Redditch were fortunate to score in the fashion they did but you make your own luck and they’re not top by accident. If anything they were slightly more clinical and made the most of their opportunities but Covents can move forward with optimism and no team will relish playing us on this form.

Match Highlights – Gizzy Gisbourne; drafted into the second row and played 80 minutes, mostly on memory. The old legs looked a bit shaky and at one point he came off clutching his mouth in agony. Fearing the worst, we asked him what the problem was and he replied, “It’s me tooth youth – 600 quid’s wouth!” Still as eloquent as ever, in one bout of handbags he shouted to his opposite number, “You Brummie tw*t!” It is rumoured that this is when he hurt his tooth as Tom Carter took exception but this is yet to be clarified.

Talking of handbags, Priscilla Vallis looked resplendent in PINK nail varnish. He says it was for Comic Relief the day before but team members (who wish to remain anonymous) say he was wearing fish net stockings and stilettos in the changing room.

Old Laurentian 3rds 29 - 21 Coventrians 2nds (Warks 3)

The seconds, who travelled with thirteen, were lent two players (thanks and respect to Old Laurents) and put in yet another brave performance ending up only just pipped 21 – 29. Covents tries were scored by even bigger Sam, Alex (le magnifique) and one from an OL’s guest. Even bigger Sam converted all three. Well done to Dave Bailey and the lads for once again holding their heads up proudly in the face of adversity. Your frequent requests for competitive rugby have not fallen on deaf ears as next season we’re close to getting you into Midlands 1 second team league . . . Keep up the good work lads!

To view Covents' all time league record by team click here (and then open - scroll down to see whole document)