Saturday 31st January 2009

Copsewood 3 - 15 Coventrians Mids 5 West (South)

Convincing Covents Conquer Copsewood

The blue and white boys were triumphant today in the Battle of the Basement part II as their first ever league win v Copsewood (GEC/GPT) brought consecutive league wins for the first time this season. The victory has also lifted us out of the bottom two and to quote Oscar Wilde, “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”

Covents started well by catching, mauling and establishing a foothold in Copsewood’s 22 with a kick. The lineout wasn’t straight and from the resulting scrum, Carl Thornton put scrum-half Nick in, 10 metres out and he danced his way through four defenders before dotting down in the 2nd minute for 5 – 0. The conversion was missed by Jones the Boot Junior but Covents had started how they meant to go on.

The blue boys stayed in Copsewood’s half with a couple of line outs and in the 13th minute, J B J had a chance to extend the lead with a penalty but although the kick was better, it strayed just wide. At this point Copsewood were penalised twice for coming in at the side and from the second offence, Phil Jones kicked to the corner. Carl secured possession and Covents attacked through skipper Danny and the backs before the move was ended with a scrum to Covents. Attacking again, a Copsewood defender was penalized for holding onto the ball carrier and J B J slotted for 8 – 0 in the 19th minute.

After twenty minutes, the home side were aroused from their earlier slumber and started to put some good attacking play together which saw them in Covents’ 22. In the 26th minute, Copsewood infringed again and the referee pulled the perpetrator and home skipper together for a long chat which included coffee and custard creams. This was probably the fifth penalty but still no sign of a card. In the 29th minute though, after a short period of pressure on our line, Copsewood won a penalty in front and duly slotted for 8 – 3.

The boys were looking good though and a great hit from young Swaff in the 37th minute epitomised their spirit. Nip and tuck prevailed at this point as the sides swapped territory but in the 39th minute a quick throw from Danny was gathered by Carl and he put Nick in who went on a good run, beating two defenders before being tackled short of the line.

At half-time Covents went in 8 – 3 to the good but wary of not getting drawn into Copsewood’s attritional style of play.


From the kick off, Steve Vallis positioned himself under a high ball covered in snow and caught it easily, Pimms in one hand, Cuban cigar in the other. This prompted everyone to glance at Woz after last week’s feeble effort – so props can catch then. To be fair to Woz though, Vallis admitted afterwards that he thought it was pie and chips falling from the sky.


In the 43rd minute, Rowan, starved of ball suddenly sprang into life by gathering a poor Copsewood kick and beating two players sprinted up field, putting Phil Jones in who chipped over the line only for a defender to desperately hack away. From the resulting scrum, Carl went over but the scrum had gone 90 and from the next scrum we were penalized and Copsewood cleared their lines. In the 46th minute, the referee called both skippers over for another lengthy chat which this time included cocktails and hors d’oeuvres. This seemed strange as the game had been very clean up to this point. From the restart Covents attacked with Carl, Woz, Tom Carter, Danny, Chris Simons and Phil Jones all involved in what was a good passage of running rugby that broke down in the opposition 22.

In the 49th minute, a Covents’ penalty saw hooker Danny Pearson embark on one of his trademark, lonesome surges and he was stopped just short of the line. In the 58th minute the home side were flexing their muscles and putting the blue and whites under pressure. On the hour, the spotless Paul Brindley went off for Deadeye as he (Paul) had secured a lucrative advertising deal with Persil and was worried he’d get muddy.

Two minutes later a Copsewood winger went off with a painfully injured collarbone/shoulder and play was halted for 4 or 5 minutes. In the 69th minute things started to go pear shaped for Covents as Woz was sent to the bin for a blatant block. This is the first yellow card of his long and distinguished career but hey, I’m having a week off from Woz bashing because we all love the old warhorse. With Covents down to 14, the home side could smell blood in the water and notched up a gear by surging into our 22 and mauling on our try-line. They went through four or five phases but the boys in blue held out. Then we decided stuff this, it isn’t difficult enough and Joe Swaffield was yellow carded for not retreating ten leaving us with 13 players, only 6 forwards and still under siege on our try line.

At this point the remaining Covents stood up to be counted, puffed out their chests, rolled up their sleeves, spat on their palms, put shoulders to wheels and decided, collectively that, “They shall not pass.” And they didn’t pass as Kieran Martin stole and secured a turnover for Daz to kick for touch. Unfortunately the ball stayed in and Copsewood swarmed downfield again to win a scrum on our line. Time for tactical strategy as D J was moved to loose-head from lock and centre Chris Simons shoved kicking and screaming to flanker. D J went in hard like a crazed Jason Leonard and with Chris’s 5 stone making all the difference we secured ball and fighting like tigers, came out of our 22.

In the 75th minute, possibly the most amazing incident ever seen on a rugby pitch took place. Hooker and skipper Danny Pearson threw into a line out but only succeeded in propelling the ball one and a half centimetres. As fourteen bemused forwards searched for its parabola, the ball bounced off Danny’s own toe. Yes folks, it has been confirmed by the Guinness Book of Records that this is the shortest throw ever. Danny maintains that a sneaky Copsewood supporter smeared said ball in goose fat but this report remains, as yet unsubstantiated.

Just after Danny’s Herculean throw, the home side’s hooker was yellow carded, leaving it 13 v 14 only for Woz to return to the fray to even the sides up. Covents then attacked in the corner with Deadeye Doug falling just short. Copsewood were penalized again and from the tap, Steve Vallis surged powerfully towards glory, before Kieran took possession and finally, with hundreds of players in a muddy heap and us lot thinking it had been held up, Danny Pearson emerged victorious as the try was given. Mitch, our beloved, welly clad coach and dedicated follower of Pods (what is a pod?) was so happy he had to be reminded to run round and flag the conversion as he was the linesman. Jones the Boot Junior sent an arrow over, Mitch waved wildly and the game was up for Copsewood at 15 – 3 with 4 minutes left.

Mind you there was still time for Swaff (back on) to be late tackled and a bout of handbags borne out of home side frustration. Covents then attacked through Rowan and Chris Simons and JBJ was stopped only just short. From the resulting scrum, Tom Carter made a big hit but was penalized for being off his head (or was it feet?) Then, the referee blew a long blast to signal a well deserved victory for the lads, two wins in a row and putting right their lack lustre defeat to Copsewood before Christmas.

What can I say? The boys were immense today, the pack stood four-square, the backs looked sharp and everyone tackled ferociously. Down to 13 men with 2 forwards in the bin and Copsewood on our line, an equalizing score seemed inexorable but with burgeoning Dunkirk spirit, the lads repelled the home hordes and to paraphrase Sir Winston Spencer Churchill, had, “Nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat.”

Injury list – Just Woz’s opponent who came off suffering from altitude sickness



Coventrians 2nds 5 - 24 Broadstreet 3rds Warks 3

The second team also covered themselves in glory today by only going down 24 – 5 to Broadstreet 3rds which is a massive improvement on their 77 – 7 reverse the last time the teams met (although numbers were uneven that day.) Haydon (with an O) Clarke bashed over for Covent’s score and in the second half, we only conceded one try.

Ryan Gilbert and Rob Hollyman broke the defensive line several times and Kyle Bonsor was yellow carded for a rugby league shoulder tackle in which he went flying backwards. Kyle was seen purchasing the Francis P McCullough book of tackling from Waterstones recently and is also rumoured to be surfing e-bay for a Rover 90.

Apparently the last 20 minutes got very niggly after Rob Hollyman took a leaf out of Kyle’s book and shoulder barged his opponent who kindly returned the favour by punching him. Well done once again to the boys who can quite rightly hold their heads up.