Saturday 17th January 2008

Stoke Old Boys 18 - 3 Coventrians

Covents Stuck in Stoke Swamp

Covents went down 18 – 3 at Brookvale Ave paddy field as long passages of possession and territorial advantage managed to garner only 3 points in a lack-lustre display made worse by a curious display of refereeing that transformed the game into a stop start affair played out in wet, muddy conditions.

With the water table having risen higher than Swaff in a lineout, Stoke kicked off and almost immediately Covents had a chance to score as John Field ran dangerously up the wing only being stopped by a high-ish tackle a few metres short. In the 5th minute another good move involving Carl, Paul Brindley and Phil Jones was halted by solid Stoke defence yards from the line and a penalty relieved their pressure.

Six minutes later, Covents were still in Stoke’s 22, picking and driving well through the back row, Carl, Cozzy and Swaff. In the 12th minute a Stoke ¾ tried to run out of trouble but only succeeded in crunching into Woz (the epitome of an immovable object) at full pelt and is probably still sore now. In the 17th minute Stoke made it into Covent’s half for the first time since the kick off and this seemed to stir the home side from their slumber as they started to attack the blue and whites with a series of moves that saw them splashing about in the deep end (aka Covent’s 22).

In the 26th minute Stoke’s nimble fly-half (their 3rd prop) kicked for touch and Carl (Nureyev) Thornton caught the ball, balanced intricately just inside the line and kicked back up field. It was nip and tuck now with both sides (having played little or no rugby for 4 weeks) looking rusty and struggling to put much together on the glue pot pitch.

Then, in the 29th minute, Stoke took advantage of non existent Covent’s tackling and dotted down from a lineout before adding the extras for 7 – 0. Covents came back well when Danny Pearson, pulling out his compulsory chip over the defence, chased, dropped and picked up and put Chris Simons in only for the ref to leave everyone bemused by blowing for a Stoke scrum when, to be honest, there looked to be nothing wrong. In the 35th minute, with Stoke attacking the deep end again, Covents had possession but a Stoke forward charged down as Dougie kicked away in his flippers. The ball flew in the air and another Stoke player won the lottery as it landed conveniently in his hands before touching down for 12 – 0.

Again Covents were stung into retaliation as Danny took a risky, quick lineout throw that only just evaded a waiting Stoke interceptor. Chris Simons picked up and set off on a mazy run through four tackles before chipping for the corner. The Stoke defender was then forced to ground in his in goal area by John Field. Just before half-time Dougie missed a penalty and the teams went in, 12 – 0.

Covents started the second half with renewed heart and a good move involving Carl, Brum-Half Carter and Danny saw the blue & whites driving Stoke back in their own 22 (no mean feat in this thick, brown porridge) which resulted in a 42nd minute penalty in front which Dead-eye, minus snorkel and flippers, slotted easily for 12 – 3. This gave us supporters renewed heart, especially Wayne “5 Whiskies” Brandfour who was patrolling the touch line like Crystal Carrington in his shoulder pads. Then in the 45th minute, with Covents driving Stoke out of their 22, the ref awarded the home side a penalty for dangerous play and tank slotted for 15 – 3.

The 50th minute saw the beginning of an amazing passage of play. A Phil Jones run after Rowan had palmed the ball back, resulted in a kick across Stoke’s 22 and Stoke’s winger, after being tackled, not releasing. From the resulting penalty, which we opted to tap, Covents put on their diver’s boots, scuba gear and set up camp in the deep end. Time and time again the forwards picked and drove, Carl, Cozzy, Swaff and Danny all tried but were repelled. Then Stoke’s flanker was yellow carded and Covents went again from the scrum with Carl flinging himself at the line only to be stopped just short.

Play was halted in the 57th minute and Wayne 5 Whiskies came on for Ryan and Darren Nichols went to scrum-half with Brum-Half moving to flanker for Swaff. The 59th minute signalled yet another scrum, still 5 yards from Stoke’s line and the saga continued. By now it had become a game within a game, a soap opera, like Coronation Street in monsoon season. On the hour, Danny drove and burrowed, drove again and burrowed and although making it over the line was stopped brilliantly as a Stoke back row forward got hands in and held the ball up.

At this point my Dictaphone made me sound like Darth Vader on Mogadon but the passage of play continued for a further 2 or 3 minutes with Covents attacking in waves and Stoke holding tight in defence. We even tried the underwater route but the home side laid mines across their line and fired off depth charges until finally they broke out and play moved back up the pitch. It was here that some skulduggery did for Stoke’s winger and he was yellow carded. Looking for the Covent’s participant, the ref also yellowed an innocent Chris Simons with the words, “Well someone’s gotta go.”

While the two "cardees" splashed about at either end, skipper Danny Pearson sustained a nasty looking neck injury in the 70th minute and play was halted for at least 10 minutes as he went off on a stretcher. We knew it was bad when he never mentioned his groin. After the restart, Stoke won a penalty in front and stretched their lead to 18 – 3 with the ref blowing shortly afterwards to bring the curtain down on a fragmented and strangely dispirited display by Covents which lacked its usual heart and passion. We spent long periods of this game in the opposition’s 22 but for all the huffing and puffing came away with 3 points. Fair play to Stoke, they made the most of their opportunities and rode their luck once or twice and went home with the bacon.

Although Danny eventually went off to hospital in an ambulance for x-rays etc, the news is that he’s okay although a little stiff. That’s actually very unfair as he’s not that little.

Other injuries included; 12 cases of trench foot, 3 of nitrogen narcosis, water on the knee and a small mud splash on Woz’s rather fetching midnight blue scrum cap.


Coventrians 2nds 53 – 5 Stoke Old Boys 2nds

All hail to the seconds who produced a dizzying performance to trounce Stoke seconds by 48 points. Admittedly Stoke only had fourteen but it makes a change for the boot to be on the other foot and we’ve taken our beatings this season. With a nice blend of youth, experience, weight and pace the tries were scored by Why-aye ya bugger Nick (3), the butcher’s dog, Giz (2), Sam Collinson, Ben Davies, Dave Bailey and Jimmy Hill. Ben Davies also converted 4 to round off a great afternoon that made the beer taste great for the lads.

Foot-note; It is my duty to report that the Scholes hair is now way past the Ayatollah stage. Rich is now looking somewhere between Peter Sutcliffe, Moses and a woolly mammoth. He says the lot is coming off for charity next week so don’t miss out. There’ll be enough fur to do Woz, Dick and Chris so bring your super glue boys!