COVENTRIANS 36 - 0 STOKE OLD BOYS
Blue Power Demolishes Plucky Old Boys
Stoke Old Boys were dismantled by Covents' physical power at a sunny but chilly Black Pad as we welcomed prodigal son Neil Walters back from his Kansas sojourn and in the 6th minute he made his muscular presence felt, picking up in Stoke's 22 and bullocking through 5 tackles to touch down under the sticks. The flying warthog converted in his carpet slippers and we were underway at 7 - 0.
In the 25th minute, from a penalty, Tom (amazingly not so grumpy today) Gough got hold of pill weaved through from about 20 yards and despite much maroon and white company, stretched and dotted down on the whitewash for 12 - 0. Warthog did the honours for 14 - 0. Three minutes later came the champagne moment of the match - Rohan chipped a kick up the right wing and as he set off to follow, Stoke's 16 nudged him out (without the ball) and did his own ha ha ha hamstring - as he limped from the fray we were, of course, very sympathetic.
In the second half, on 53 minutes, Warthog slotted for 17 - 0 and we all thought, great platform, Stoke are knackered, cue cricket score - not a bit of it - Stoke rallied and proceeded to go on a camping holiday in our 22 for what must have been at least 18 minutes. Time and time again they attacked through their host of fatties and time and time again we repelled all borders - there were one or two curious decisions from an increasingly stressful man in green but his temper wasn't helped by 007 lookalike Trevor Roberts (complete with black tie and cumberband fresh from an all nighter at Rainbows) howling advise from the windy touch line.
Our stout defence paid dividends in the 73rd minute as Incredible Hulk Neil Walters once again clutched the pill in his bear like mitts and strode forward like a bull in a china shop. Breaking two tackles and a lot of crockery he put Tom Gough in the corner for 22 - 0. Warthog's kick was like a wet fart in a gale and we didn't add any extras. Yes, I know what you're asking and yes it came in the 79th minute - Rohan got hold of it in his own 22 and set off like Billy Whizz - scorching mazily past 3 defenders he sent the 4th into the middle of next week with a booming hand off and dived in under the posts for 27 - 0. Warthog polished his slipper and slotted for 29 - 0.
So the game was up then? Not on your Nelly and Nelly it was who broke Stoke hearts by once again rampaging forward, in the 83rd minute, through the thin maroon line from halfway and finishing under the posts. Did he flop down in triumph? No, he popped it to a startled Tom Gough (on his shoulder) to ensure 34 - 0 and a hat trick jug from Tom. Smart boys these Number 8 forwards. Warthog did the honours and the ref brought to an end a rather accomplished 36 - 0 victory against deflated but spirited opposition.
So that's 70 points garnered in two games without reply and it was only later, in the clubhouse that we realised that we had actually reached the summit of Mids 5 West South and now sat proudly as table toppers. Many an experienced rugby eye turned to coach Bopper whose 15 minute cameo from the bench may have resembled Captain Mainwaring with lumbago but obviously was a game turning quarter of an hour that not only sealed victory but also shot us to the top like an over excited champagne cork on a formula 1 rostrum. Long may we remain there!
The celebrations were complete in the bar when some of us older farts welcomed Ken Bulldog, Vicar Hitter, the spillage Millidge back to the Covents' fold - lovely to share a couple of pints and old stories with him to round off a great Coventrians RFC day.
